God Squad, The

10:00am: a buzz at the door. The postman, methinks. I was on the loo (its amazing how often I miss phone calls and visitors from being on the loo) so I didn't get there in time. Turns out it was someone for upstairs who couldn't read the stickers on the bells.

10:20am: a buzz at the door. The postman, methinks. With nature not calling this time I scurry down the stairs to be met by... an old bloke and a foreign woman who promptly start banging on about God.

It's been a while since the Jehovas Witnesses have graced/blackened my doorstep and I politely indulged them for about 10 minutes with a bemused smirk and an arsenal of considered counter points to their sweeping generalisations and attempts to portrey their world view as the world view. The trouble was, every time I tried to have my say, the old man defied his outwardly sweet countenance by talking over me, dismissively brushing aside any mention of other ways of looking at things and assuming that I wasn't very well considered and that my non-belief came directly and solely from my parents.

Now, I don't mind a good debate about the rich diversity of the world's belief systems. Infact, I love it. I'd have liked to have had a good old chat with these people but, from the way they presented themselves and interacted with me, that was impossible. First we'd have needed to establish some definitions ('belief' and 'god' and 'creation' and 'meaning' and 'intelligence' for starters.) Then we could have talked about the basics of their way of thinking, and then of mine. Then maybe we could have drawn parallels, learnt from eachother and established the groundings of mutual respect. But, rather than open such a 2 way discourse, these people turned up at my house, disturbed me from my work, and proceeded simply to tell me about what they believe in! How does that work? And what the fuck do I care? I know some fascinating, learned, amazing people, some of whom have been great teachers in my life. If I fancy a spiritual or philosophical chat, they'd be the people to whom I'd turn, and they'd receive the respect and attention they've earnt. If, however, someone wants to talk to me, uninvited, in my own home, they should bloody well listen to me first, then maybe I'll listen to them. Their presumption was astonishing. Actually, no, it was merely amusing. Little old men and their unassuming female counterparts seldom conjure astonishment in me.

Of course, they tried to thrust their 'Watchtower' magazine upon me. Oh, how I wanted to thrust my copy of The God Delusion on them. Preferably by finding out where they live and disturbing them in the morning to do so. Anyway, I politely refused their magazine saying I'd read plenty about the subject. To which I was told that it doesn't end with reading. So I informed them that I reflect and think and act as well and that, if they were interested, while I don't live by it, Taoism is the closest belief system I've found that works for me. Apparently this ilk of belief, though, (that which doesn't pander to an assumed greater rule-setting power) results in people doing whatever they want and is the cause of the 'state the world is in today' (said with predictable derision). Course it is, mate. Tell that to the billions of happy, moral, devout Taoists/Buddhists/Animists in the world rather than the nice, young, unassuming, beliefless man you've disturbed this morning. I don't care enough to argue, but I bet they'd have something to say. (An aside: I wonder if the Jehovas Witnesses cold call Moulsecoombe and Whitehawk, or just good, safe old Preston Park, with its middle class families, pet dogs and 4-wheel-drives.)

By the way, in the aforementioned God Delusion, I found out about this website called Edge, which is a platform for intelligent, logical, cutting edge scientific, artistic, philosophical thought. Bet you don't find Edge's Witnesses harrassing people in their own homes with the hope of conversion, eh...