Daddy Longlegses

I hate them. I really, really hate them. Partly for the same reason I hate moths - they're unpredictable and prone to dive bombing you which I can only assume is because they eat human flesh. But I hate them mostly because they are so fucking stupid.

Ludicrously, unfathomably stupid. Lolloping about with their stupid long legs, smashing into things and getting stuck behind/between things and being utterly inept at everything. What evolutionary niche do they fill? Even in the wild they're fucking stupid, hurtling through fields in their dozens with legs everywhere and no discernable purpose. They must purely be food for something. That's it. They're just flying meals with no other purpose.

I think if they could make a noise it would be that of a psychopathic mentalist teetering between suicide and an act of emotionless cruelty, a sort of desperate groan/scream in response to the utter confusion the world presents. I saw one today on the bathroom floor, it was upside down with its legs in the air. Any other creature would reserve such a position for death, and that was my initial assumption. But then I thought "I bet the stupid fucker isn't actually dead", so I gave it a blow. It burst to 'life' (more like malfunctioning autonomy than life but there you go), flapping 1 wing and spinning around spasmodically in a circle on the floor (still upside down) before giving up again and resuming its legs-up position of apparent lifelessness. Fucking idiot.

Theres human stupidity surrounding the Daddy Longlegs itself as well. For example, the urban myth that they contain the deadliest poison of any creature but lack the means to use it (like a sting or something). But as someone pointed out, their dog eats them and he's never died. Some people also believe the Crane Fly (to use the proper term) is a flying spider. A FLYING SPIDER! Have you ever heard anything so stupid? Just because they've got long legs! Dear god.