Back by overwhelming public demand

(overwhelming public demand = 1 request. It's more overwhelming than 0, so shut up).

Today, being Thursday, was network breakfast meeting day. So today, like most of my Thursdays, unfolded thusly:

06:45: alarm goes off. "fucking cunting shitting stupid motherfucker" I say internally, and press snooze.
06:51: alarm goes off again after it's bizarre 9 minute snooze cycle. I reluctantly arise, grimacing as if with a shard of glass up my arse.
06:52 - 07:20: bumble around dressing, drinking strong coffee, doing my toilet, packing bag, then leave the house.
07:21: return to house having inevitably forgotten something, calling myself a "fucking retard" or similar. Scowl/grimace has now developed into full neanderthal scowl, with associated indistinguishable mutterings and gruntings.
07:22 - 07:40: cycle to Preston Park. It's been suggested that this is a 4 mile cycle. Get in, how hard am I? 4 miles, much of it uphill, at 7 in the bloody morning. My thought processes while cycling are worthy of another post so I'll leave that for now.
07:41 - 09:20ish: networking! In a nutshell (again this is worthy of its own post) networking breakfasts involve everyone (6-12 people usually) bigging up their line of work, forging connections and exchanging leads for work. Mine, thankfully, is a nice group with some great people. It also involves a fry up and coffee. I recently had to cut down my caffeine intake to 3 mugs (q.v) and while I miss the jittery wiredness, I doubt it's hindered my social skills!
09:25 - 09:45: cycle home. 4 miles remember. That's 8 in total. I'm GI JOE, motherfucker.
09:50: desperately avoid the temptation of going back to bed. Its hard, oh so hard.
10:00ish onwards: work. It's amazing how much I get done on a Thursday, actually!

Now, like I said, I had to cut down my coffee intake. I was necking a big, strongun before the meeting, then 3 or 4 at the meeting. This resulted in the aforementioned jittery wiredness, which I'll be honest - I 'dig'. Caffeine is a cool drug. However, come 11 or 12 o'clock, when the protein hit of the brekkie had worn off and some blood had returned to my caffeine system, I had a system crash.

This varied in form but was always unpleasant. Sometimes it was nausea. Sometimes it was a gut wrenching desperation to 'lay cable' (which once resulted in me invading The Mad Hatter cafe and cursing in agony as I waited 10 minutes outside the toilet for some fucking ponse to be done - I say ponse cos he came out looking all groomed and I assume he was doing shit to his face in there). It would invariably involve a lack of energy, which I usually rectified with chocolate, setting myself up for a sugar crash shortly thereafter. Then, on getting home, I'd often have a nap. Resulting in:

12:00ish: waking up with an overwhelming desire to die

So I cut out the coffee, the chocolate and the nap.

I learnt from my experiences, kids, and that's the message I'd like to leave you with.

Think on. Be safe. Stay off the crystal meth.